Did your mother ever tell you it wasn’t polite to stare at someone? Is that old fashioned and not politically correct anymore? Well, I’m over being politically correct if it means being open and honest.
When I go anywhere with Joseph I have to mentally prepare myself for the stares, whispers, looks and comments that inevitably follow us. I know there are a lot of people who have never seen a disabled child before, and I understand how it can be intimidating to some. Take a quick look and move on though. Unless you would like to start a conversation with me or Joseph, I think it’s downright rude to stand/sit/walk there and stare at my son because you are uncomfortable. I see plenty in this world that makes me uncomfortable, but I’m mature enough to recognize, observe, and move on with little to no reaction.
A know a lot of people probably think I’m making a big deal out of nothing and I should educate people and be nice, blah, blah, blah. Try living it daily. It wears on you. I’ve done a really great job of being the better person all these years, even making excuses “they’re just curious, it’s okay”, but some days I’m just not in the mood to be the better person.
Oh, I’ve seen it all, from adults who stare and frown, to kids to run into people walking the other direction because their heads are turned staring at Joseph. I’ve had Christians come up to me and praise Jesus for strength and hope, I’ve had older women pity me, and I’ve had people say “I don’t know how you do it.”
What would be better? Don’t pity me, don’t feel bad for me or Joseph. How about saying “hi!” and smiling like you would to some other really handsome little dude you encounter? If you have questions or are curious, ask me what’s on your mind.
A few years ago I was tube feeding Joseph at a mall and a little boy came up to me and said “Whatcha doing?” “Feeding my son Joseph his lunch. Would you like to see how he eats through his tummy?” I replied. “Yes” said the boy. I proceeded to explain to him Joseph can’t swallow very well so for his safety we feed him through a tube in his tummy. His response: “Wow, that was totally cool.” His curiosity was satisfied and he went back to playing at the mall playground. I did notice his mother attentively watching and listening as I talked to her son, so hopefully she was enlightened too.
I don’t mind if you ask questions about how Joseph is different, everyone knows I’ll share my story. Just don’t ask me what’s wrong with him. Nothing’s wrong with him, he’s just different. I’ve found that most parents of kids with special needs are very open to helping others understand what makes their child special. We'll even help you be more comfortable and show or tell you how best to communicate with our kids.
So next time you see one of us and you are curious, just ask.
